CA Tax dollars at work

Thanks to his early birth and Intraventricular Hemorrhage, Miles qualified for a state-funded developmental follow up program. Once every six weeks or so, a nurse comes to our home to do an evaluation of Miles to help catch any delays head on. And while CA is pretty much broke, our benefits are still intact, for now.

On Friday, Judith, the nurse, came for her fourth visit. She was last here just six weeks ago when Miles had first mastered the roll over. As he sat up in my lap, she tested him with small colored squares. He grabbed them both and brought them to his mouth. She rang a bell outside his ear, he looked toward it. And very quickly, she noted. She gave him a black and white ring and watched him take it from one hand to the other and then to his mouth. She measured his head, noted his height and weight and in between it all, got taken by his ear to ear grin. "What a good looking boy!" she cooed. After she watched him on his back, his belly, being lifted up, being laid down and back on my lap.

Her evaluation: Miles is doing fantastic. No delays whatsoever. Just a normal 5 and a half month old. And for the first time, our adorable five and a half month old made the 7 month (his actual age) growth chart. Weighing in at 15.5 pounds, he is at 5% mark, but at 27 inches long, is at 25% for height. While we know how extraordinary he is, the reassurance that he is indeed progressing like any other baby, is always well-received.

I asked Judith if given the current economic climate we would even qualify for the program now. She paused before responding. The prematurity might be borderline but with the hemorrhage, we'd probably still make the cut. While the whirlwind and fear of the NICU feels like eons ago, she reminded me of just how close we came and how many more challenges Miles might have faced.


We will see her back in September. Given the state of California finances, I feel almost guilty for this incredible service but thankful we are that Miles has this benefit. If things were not going so well, I know we'd be able to get him the right resources.

Miles is back!

Long time, no post and now that Miles is sleeping through the night, I can no longer claim sleep deprivation as an excuse. And with him getting more delicious every day, it is almost a crime not to share his advancements with his fans. So with that, his blog is back.

I'll start with an update on the last ...ummm 2.5 months since the last post. At 5 months corrected (7 months actual), Miles is close to 15 pounds and thriving. Last visit to the doctor, she said there are no outward signs he was a preemie. Yeh! He is rolling over, grabbing for anything that comes close to him (mom's hair and glasses are favorites), babbling constantly and my personal favorite, laughing.

As I mentioned, he is sleeping through the night which came just in the nick of time. Before that, he went through what only moms will tell you is the 4-month regression. Basically the sleep habits you have learned to manage (only one wake up a night), turn into wake up calls every 2 hours. Your previous horror at the thought of letting your child cry it out evolves into an appreciation and question why you didnt try it months ago. Maybe Miles is just that smart but he chose that very moment to progress and within three nights was sleeping from 7;45 pm to 6:30 am. Even if he wakes up, say at 4 am, he puts himself right back to sleep without even a cry. And when he wakes up at 6:30 am, we only hear happy cooing. When we go in to get him, his face lights up into the most perfect smile - he too likes a full nights sleep!

Miles hits the big 1-0

Long time, no update. Sorry to those that still might be reading this but well, it takes time and so much energy to care for an infant and when I have that spare 30 minutes at the end of the day before that last feed, blogging is the last thing I want to do. But you dont read this to hear what I want, its for Miles that you bother to visit this page. And without further ado, the update...

MILES IS OVER 10 POUNDS- over 3x his birth weight! He had us holding our breath these past few weeks as his weight trajectory plateaued around 9 pounds 11 oz. So close, yet so far and somehow 10 pounds seems like such a huge achievement. Turns out, our little guy is a bit of a lazy eater. He takes his time, lolls over his bottles, suckles on the breast. We think he has had enough and close up shop. Not so fast anymore and with vigorous effort, he made the jump and his weight gain is back on track. Miles is with the program now and is embracing cluster feeding in which he will feed for a couple hours non stop. Trust me, its not a pretty sight - me on the couch, under siege by my 10 pound son, remote in one hand and Dave bringing me food and water. They say it happens when he goes through a growth spurt so will see how much he weights next week....11 pounds?

He is now 6 weeks old and FINALLY getting past some of the forever newborness. Yes, its cute but remember we have experienced this for 16 weeks. Our first 4 weeks with him at home were really just practice...extra time to wait for a smile, coo or some kind of recognition. We are seeing his first perfect smiles that just melt your heart. His big blue eyes gaze into ours, show happiness when tickled and frown deeply when something is not going his way.

To any random stranger, he is just a happy and quite adorable 6 week old baby. It is only us that know he gets monthly Synagis shots to decrease his chances of getting RSV and worry about where we take him, who might try to touch him and what germs he might get exposed to. Is it worth it? The good news is that the last lingering remnant of his early birth - the Intraventricular Hemorrhage is now completely resolved. I repeat, quoting from the radiology report, completely resolved which according to the pediatrician, is really, really good news.

So, our little guy is just a normal 6 weeker and we are just your average parents of a newborn and though still sleep-deprived, we (mostly) have it under control.

Going rogue

Let me start by saying, there are lots and lots of books out there. Add to that, the great lactation consultants and doulas that you can hire to actually show you how to do the things in the book. To implement the EASY (Eat, Sleep, Activity, YOU) method, to show you how to properly use the 5 S's and most importantly, how to get your baby to latch onto the boob (its not as easy as we are led to believe.) And if that's not your style, you can also find Attachment Parenting (Dr Sears) helpers as well.  

All of these methods tell you what your baby should be doing at each stage, based on week, whats normal, etc. For example, babies go through growth spurts at 3, 6 and 12 weeks. In those times, they eat more, often up to every 2 hours or as one friend experienced, straight for 8 hours, giving her a 20 minute break once to pee. But I digress...my point of all this is that all of these great, well-researched, well-intentioned methods take one major point for granted. Age!

Miles is now 11 weeks old (and well over 8 lbs if you wanted to know) but according to the doctors, just one week corrected. He has been bottle feeding for over 7 weeks, breast feeding for 6 and on a feeding schedule, well since he was born. So why is this a problem you might ask? Well, he is a newborn now. He is fussier, a lot fussier, he wakes up more during the night, has longer periods of "quiet alertness" all of which means, we get much less rest. And in our despair, we look to the very books and consultants that should be able to help us.

And from the classes at Day One to the $250 visit from the expert lactation consultant to the books that line our shelves, it is ever more apparent that when it come to preemies, we are on our own. No one can quite answer the questions like, "so if a full term baby can start sleeping through the night at 4 weeks, what does that mean for Miles?", "Since his stomach is the same size as a full term baby, should he eat on demand now, even though he was on a schedule before?", "And if so, how do we put him on a schedule again?" and so on. 

So, we've gone rogue. We are making up our own rules, mixing up some Karp, some Weissbluth, Dr. Sears, the Baby Whisperer and the Nursing Mother's Companion book. We switch out the bottle and breast feeding, we sometimes let him cry, other times, he sleeps on my chest (if its the only way I can sleep), we offer the bottle after breast feeding and sometimes we don't, we keep him to a 3 hour feeding schedule unless he wakes up more often, we offer the Activity before the Eating (key element of EASY), taking it all a day at a time, watching and learning from our amazing son. 

In short, we rely on ourselves. But I'd be lying if it werent for a huge heap of advice from the mothers of preemies who've come before us.  Thanks to Amy, Jessica, my girls from the Pump Room, and Inspire Preemie message board.

And for the record, it seems to be working. We are just as tired, frustrated and elated as any other parents of a newborn. 

Finally - full term!

Well, I can stop saying, "he should still be in my belly." On Wednesday, Miles in fact, should have been born. Weighing in at 7 lbs, 10.5 ounces, he is just your average newborn, except that we have just had 10 extra weeks to get to know him. We celebrated with cake, champagne and a few close friends.

I thought when we left the NICU, we could just put this whole thing behind us. Miles was thankfully quite healthy and to us, he was just our new baby. Not so fast.  Forgive us for being defensive. I am tired of being told he is small. Comments like, "oh, what a peanut," or "look how tiny" are old. When you have seen your son weighing 3 pounds, he seems like a fricking  giant to you.

Life with a preemie is complicated. For starters, what do you say, when someone asks his age? Umm. "Well, he is two months old but he was born early so is still really small. But he is really healthy." How early was he born, they might ask? 30 weeks, wow, he is OK, right? Repeat this conversation with the guy in the park, the mom in the mothers group at Day One, etc. 

Then there is the realization that I will never, ever be just a normal mom. Start out with the ritualistic Mothers Group. Golden Gate Mothers Group creates groups of moms by birth mom, giving moms a wonderful outlet to share experiences as their children grow up. I'd heard about this from many friends and look forward to the new friendships I might make. But there is a hitch. Which month to join? The November group when Miles was actually born or the February group when he was supposed to arrive. Arrive at the November group with a baby that looks like a newborn and listen while mom's discuss issues of a 2 month old. Not a fit. Or go to a February group where mom's are still recovering from delivery and the first days at home. Say what you will, but we just don't fit in, even if the other women are wonderfully accepting. We and Miles started off on a very different path. 

Maybe that is why on his actual due date, I really look forward to going back to the NICU. Yes, you read that correctly, go back to the NICU, for a visit. There, he was oohed and aahed over, noted for his chubby red cheeks and large blue eyes.  Although they said, job well done, mama, it is the nurses and doctors there that we must thank for his health. And there in the NICU, our story is not exceptional, sad, traumatic, worrisome or any of that. It is just par for the course. Unremarkable, if you will. Absolutely normal.

In time, we will make peace with the outside world and his age. By two years, he will be caught up with other November babies and the whole experience will be a faded memory. But for now, when asked his age, we just smile and say, ten weeks. No explanation needed.

Just like any other baby

Three weeks at home and over 7 pounds but still a week before his due date. What does that mean? He is just like any full term baby you bring home from the hospital. We've just had a few extra weeks of warm up. And as Miles nears term, he becomes well, less like that sweet little quiet baby we got to know so well. He cries louder, fusses longer, refuses to sleep, and wakes up before the alarm during the night. All this makes it much, much harder to keep to our schedule (thank you for NICU for that!) and reduces our already limited sleep.

This is the first full week Dave has been back at work, leaving me home to care for Miles all day. How hard could that be, really? I should have time to go to the store, organize our finances, put together Miles' baby book, clean the house, and of course, make dinner. And somewhere in there, take a nap to make up for the 4 hours of fractured sleep I get each night.

Ah, you might say, "Welcome to parenthood!" We get it and finally all of those books and pieces of advice make sense. Last night, we watched, The Happiest Baby on the Block, a gift from Susan and Eric West. At the time, they told us of the Five S's and we tried to make sense of it but as they said at the time, watch the DVD after the baby is home and it will be very clear to you. And indeed, they were right. The 5 S's for the record are: Swaddle, Side or Stomach, Shush, Swinging, and Sucking - all meant to mimic the womb environment. After a few days of our previously content baby overcome by screaming, gas, and basic fussiness, he was calm in minutes and slept peacefully during the night, until it was time to feed him. And we had to wake him up!

So, as the week ends, things are looking up. I successfully took Miles to the eye doctor (his eyes are just fine!), visited Day One for a weekly weigh in, and enjoyed a long walk in Golden Gate Park with another new mom I met through Golden Gate Mothers Group, learning the truthfulness of another repeated piece of advice - when all else fails, put him in the car seat!

Still to be done - the cooking, cleaning and organizing.

Holy Sh*t, he's HUGE

In the words of the doctor, we are doing GREAT. So great in fact, she thinks we could write a book of our process. Its that good. And why, you might wonder, are we doing so great at...well, since our last visit to her just 6 days ago, Miles gained 13 ounces bringing him up to a whopping 6 lbs 12 ounces. At this rate, our kid will be well over 8 pounds on his due date, just 2 weeks away. Hard to believe at this point, I should still be pregnant and in my last week of work.

The pictures featured are just one example of what a difference its been - the first taken just a week after Miles was born when he weighed around 3 pounds. The other, on Tuesday at almost 6 pounds, 12 ounces, over double his birth weight.

All of this makes the sleepless nights, endless bottle washing, pumping, feeding, diapering, etc completely worth it. Our boy is thriving...despite that well, he is a just a wee bit constipated. So maybe those extra ounces could be stored up crap. In the NICU when the weight of his stool was charted, he once had one over 1.5 ounces so its reasonable that it could add up to a few days could add up to a few ounces. Fortunately, even this according to the doctor is not cause for concern. Some poor babes even go seven or eight days at a stretch. As long as he is not in pain, its fine though we are encourage to massage his belly and after a few days, stick a vaseline-coated Q-tip up well, you know where...

His progress even made us forget about that incident a few nights ago. His unexplained fussiness, his full-on rooting, his near crawling up my chest made no sense. We contemplated calling the after hours doctor. Hadn't he just been fed? We keep a detailed record of how much he eats, when, when he poops, pees, how he sleeps, fusses, etc. Blame it the lack of sleep but it took us a good 30 minutes before we realized that indeed, we, well, forgot to feed our child. Sure enough, a 4 oz bottle of my finest milk put him to sleep.

Next week, Dave goes back to work so it will be another adjustment but for now, we are glowing in our little guy's growth and again feeling so fortunate for him and his health.